DR JIKO LUVENI - SPEECH AT THE DORCAS AND WOMEN'S MINISTRY CONVENTION

23/08/2013


SPEECH BY DR. JIKO LUVENI
Minister for Social Welfare, Women and Poverty Alleviation

DORCAS AND WOMEN’S MINISTRY CONVENTION
21 -25 AUGUST 2013

Acknowledgements

When you decided to walk this morning, you were promoting to the whole of Suva the concept of ‘healthy living and healthy lifestyle leads to a healthy nation’. Is Fiji and the Solomon Islands healthy nations? No, far from it. We are killing ourselves with diseases such as heart disease, cancers, diabetes, mental disorders and respiratory diseases. These are non-communicable diseases, the number one killer of people in Fiji.

In one year alone in 2012 about 800 people had a leg amputated due to diabetes. People are dying before they reach 60. You have walked today (by the way I did my walk also this morning) and the cells in our bodies have been awakened to a healthy day – and we thank God for life and for another new day.

I have a message I want to share with you today.
Given the theme of the Dorcas and Women Ministry Convention 2013 – God’s Power in Your Hands - I would like to take this opportunity to look at the role of the family and our spiritual and religious responsibilities in raising our children. Happy children will breed happy families of the future. You may be aware of my Ministry’s campaign to reduce or eliminate violence against women and children in Fiji. The campaign has gathered momentum and we now have 45 communities that have committed themselves to stop violence against women and children, but we want the momentum to spin a lot faster to cover the whole of Fiji. In this regard, we need your support to partner with us in this effort so that we women live a fulfilling and happy life and, in turn, our families we live in the same happy environment. If you agree, through your community, just go to one of our offices and let my staff know, and we will initiate the process that will take your community to declaring it a violence free community.

You know, the deeper we delve into this subject the more convinced we are that parenting skills in raising children to love and respect their sisters and parents is the key to a healthy and peaceful family environment.

We are all familiar and acknowledge that parents of today are often heard to say, “I would never have dreamed of talking to my parents or teachers that way” or grandparents saying, ”The children are much brighter these days, but so cheeky and with little respect.” Are our children getting more difficult to manage? If so then we need Divine intervention to strengthen our parenting skills. We must not lose hope because, God’s Power is in our hands.

Let me take us back to history. About three thousand years ago, when Moses was reaching the end of his days, he called the children of Israel and spoke to them. He reviewed the journey they had taken for forty years in the desert, repeated the Ten Commandments to them, elaborated upon some of the meanings and consequences of these, and then said to them, and I quote Deutoronomy, Chapter 6 verses four to nine:
“Hear O Israel: the Lord is God, the Lord is One.

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. All these words which I command you today, shall be in your heart: and you should teach them to your children, when you sit inside your home, and when you walk outside, and when you lie down and when you get up. And you shall bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be between your eyes. And you shall write them on your door posts and on your gates.”

These words make a perfect blueprint for parenting. You will note that the verse explains how to teach God’s words to our children with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our might and also where to teach our children – in our house, when we go to bed, when we get up and when we walk outside the house.

Whatever our decision is, God’s Power is in our Hands. Parenting requires us to use a hands-on approach to our children – to raise them from unskilled to skilled, from emotionally dependent upon us to emotionally independent and from undisciplined to self disciplined. On the question of how our children will be in the future, the responsibility is ours, to develop their moral, ethical and spiritual potential.

Children are great equalizers. They humble the mighty. If you think you know everything, try outsmarting a two year old or a teenager or children in between. They can be angels and cause headaches at the same time. They can be truthful and amazingly dishonest. They can be loving one minute and, especially teenagers, hateful the next. Parenting is one profession most people are totally untrained and unprepared for. Although children share our genes, they sometimes act like aliens. They are emotionally taxing and emotionally rewarding. These challenges make raising them interesting. My advice is to enjoy them, after all they will be the parents of our grandchildren.

Allow me to share with you some lessons on parenting. Lessons collected through years of interviews with the old generation by an American author.

Firstly, It’s all about time. Spend the maximum amount of time possible with your children. You and your children need to be together in the flow of daily household life and not just during planned quality time, if ever. STORY

Secondly, It’s normal to have favorites, but never show it. Accept that you may have favorites among your children, but do not ever let them know.

Thirdly, Don’t hit your kids. Discipline your children in a loving, respectful way that excludes physical punishment. Both father and mother must both agree on the kind of discipline that you will enforce with your children and be together on that. (eg effectiveness of smacking) If giving children a hiding to teach them a lesson then they should learn their lesson after a hiding.

But, based on our experience, we have been giving our children hidings until they are too old for hidings, then the hiding does not work. Do not hit your kids. The more you talk to your children and explain life to them, the better.

Fourthly, avoid having a quarrel with your children that would lead to a rift. ( A rift happens when there is so much anger about something that there is a stand off between you and your child). Do everything necessary to avoid a permanent rift with a child – even if it requires compromise on a parent’s part. See a potential rift early and defuse it because once a rift sets in, it takes on a life of its own and becomes more difficult to repair. Have a heart to heart talk with your child, immediately there is a disagreement.

Lastly, take a lifelong view of relationships with children. Parenthood goes on long after kids leave home, so make decisions when they are young that will lead to positive relationships later in your life.

These five lessons are qualities we can all develop. It is our responsibility to raise ethical, moral and spiritual children with sound values. With God’s Power in our hands, we will be blessed with this task.

With these few words may you continue to have a fruitful and productive Convention and may God Bless us all.